The Bee
“When the sun abandoned me,
the sky was an iris of black glass.
Nights kept me sleepless;
the trick was to unblink
the eyes till morning,
whether open or closed.
Butterflies in the tall grass
taught me to cling
to the world’s back.
As my mind swung in on itself,
I could hear the river stretch
towards the stones.
The thought of death set fire to dreams.
In the shapeless dark, I pieced enough together
to see trees ghosting themselves.
The stood around a dead man
who had been stung
by the invisible bee of my bullet.
This edge of the world
was close to the border.
Like lightning behind a back of clouds,
I hid from this scene.
It could have been worse.
He could have shot me.”
Makoha starts by writing that the “sun abandoned [him],” referring to the process of the day turning into night. Days turning to nights is a universally shared experience, however, Makoha describes it as the sun betraying him and punishing him by leaving the sky. This can display how Makoha is most likely not fond of nights and considering he is referring to a time in his life when he lived in the civil war in Uganda, nights most likely did not feel as safe for him as days were. He describes the night sky as an “iris of black glass,” which describes the night sky as being beautiful and wondrous. This shift from describing the night as the sun abandoning him to describing the night sky in such a beautiful way could be seen as a paradox, as war, especially a civil war, will have high points filled with hope and promise, and low points filled with disaster and loss. Makoha then writes that to get himself through sleepless nights he would “unblink the eyes till morning.” The word ‘unblink’ means looking or staring at something controllingly without blinking, as Makoha did to the night sky. He then says “whether open or closed,” meaning he would sometimes stare at the night sky with his eyes closed, but still experiencing everything the same as he did with them open. In the next stanza, he describes seeing “butterflies in the tall grass,” which “taught him to cling to the world’s back.” This shows that he had not given up hope and still had hope that the world would take care of him. After fleeing Uganda with his mother at 4 years old, he lived in Kenya, Saudi Arabia, and later London. This may have provided him with some sense of hope, that the world in some way had his back as he found refuge in different countries. He then writes that “[his] mind swung in on itself,” meaning that he would often lose hope in himself or would contradict himself at times. He may have thought something hopeful, but then his mind would tell him that he was ignorant for thinking such a thing. He writes that “the thought of death set fire to dreams,” meaning that he was most likely always fearful that he could die. This constant thought made it more difficult for him to hold out hope that he would eventually be safe and not need to constantly fear for his life. In the next couple of lines, he writes that he could not see much in the dark but he could see, “trees ghosting themselves.” This could mean that the trees, and nature in general, have abandoned the people and themselves during these war times. He writes about the trees surrounding a man who had died by the “invisible bee of [his] bullet.” He does not provide much context for what he means by this, but he seems to blame himself for this death. The man could have been his father, as we know he did not flee Uganda with his father, only his mother, so we have to guess what happened to him. However, it may not have been his father, but instead a friend or even stranger. Makoha then writes that he “hid from the scene,” meaning he could feel guilt for the death of this man, meaning he may have killed him in order to defend himself or he witnessed someone shoot this man and did nothing about it. The last two lines read, “It could have been worse. He could have shot me.” This shows that although he feels guilt for this man’s death, he is grateful that it was not him and he was able to live.
